


Starhopper

by croptopyeonbin



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Barebacking, Bottom Choi Yeonjun, Lots of angst and yearning, M/M, Oral Sex, Outdoor Sex, Top Choi Soobin, bask in the glory of these cowboys, physical violence (a short fight), rodeo cowboy yeonjun, sheep rancher soobin, the brokeback mountain au we needed this comeback
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:01:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27442351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/croptopyeonbin/pseuds/croptopyeonbin
Summary: “Come here,” Soobin said lowly. “Just– settle.”“Don’t talk to me like I’m one of your sheep.” Yeonjun’s fingers grasped at his shoulders. His eyes looked wet by the sliver of moonlight coming in through the mouth of the tent.Soobin smiled. He put his hand on the softness of Yeonjun’s flat stomach, pressing down against the icy skin. “I wish you were as easy to handle as my sheep.”“When you touch me…” Yeonjun closed his eyes. He pressed his lips together and his cheeks trembled. It was a few seconds before he could say what he wanted. His fingers circled Soobin’s wrist, holding him in place. “It feels like fire. Like you want things from me that I won’t give to anybody else–”
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 59
Kudos: 259





	Starhopper

( _Spring_ )

“Spokane,” Soobin repeated. His head felt hollow, like a gourd left out too long and picked apart from the inside by crows.

“That’s right,” said Beomgyu, not looking at him. His thumb kept tracing the same circle on the side of his glass, breaking up the wet condensation before it could reform into minuscule droplets.

So this was why they had insisted on plying him with drinks. Soobin glanced at the makeshift dance floor, where Taehyun and Kai were square dancing arm-in-arm with half the town. It was breezy but warm for early May, perfect weather for the yearly two week country fair. The rodeo was in town and everyone was here enjoying the outdoor string lights above the picnic tables, and the fried foods, and the livestock trading show. He’d had a good day, selling off $250 per head of his Suffolk ewes. But now, next year was not looking so promising. 

Soobin knew his next words were beyond selfish, but felt compelled to form them anyway. “I need you. And Taehyun, too. For the summer in the mountains.”

 _For being my friends_ , he left unsaid. Beomgyu would know.

The look Beomgyu gave him confirmed it. “I’m sorry,” he said gently. “But hey, you’ve got the dogs. And you’ll still have Kai, he learned a lot last year.”

Soobin loved Kai like a younger brother, and it was true he was shaping up fast. But it wouldn’t be the same, just two people out on the peaks for months. When it was the four of them it was like they were kids again, camping with the scouts. Toasting a can of beans over the open flame, swapping knowledge about constellations at night. He drained the last of his beer and wiped the foam off his upper lip with the back of his hand.

“When?” he asked.

“School year starts in early September. But we need to move in first, get situated. We’ll probably drive out in August.”

Soobin nodded.

Beomgyu laughed tipsily, a high and goofy sound. “Spokane’s not so far away. It’s not, like, New York or something. Don’t look so glum!”

“What’s in New York?” asked Kai as he plopped down on the seat next to them. His bangs were sticking wetly to his forehead.

“Nothing, you sweaty beast,” said Soobin, wiping at him with a scratchy napkin.

Taehyun appeared, setting two glasses on the table. “So Beomgyu told you already.”

“Yep.” Soobin looked at him, Taehyun with his perfect scores in school and his mind that needed more nourishment than he could find out here. Too much empty space, not enough surfaces to reflect his thoughts back at him in different form. Not enough to learn, as he should. This was always going to happen, Soobin had known that for years. He just hadn’t expected Taehyun to take Beomgyu away with him as well. Two for the price of one, that’s how it went sometimes. The way they had started looking at each other in the past year was still a fresh revelation.

“You’re gonna be a great lawyer,” Soobin managed to say, and he meant it. Then he sniffed. “Can’t believe you guys told Kai before you told me.”

“Well, at least you didn’t cry like somebody did,” said Beomgyu cheerfully.

Kai punched him lightly in the arm, turning pink. “At least I’m not leaving ev-"

A loud car alarm pierced the air; they jumped.

“Oh.” Soobin staggered to his feet, fumbling for his car keys. “I think that might be me.”

“Want us to come with?” Taehyun asked. He was half out of his seat already.

“Nah. Probably just a dog.”

Soobin had parked his truck around the corner from the deep fried apple pie stand and behind the gunsmith’s. He clicked off the car alarm when he was within sight of it, and in the sudden silence heard–

– a snuffling, and a soft noise like someone might be in pain.

He stepped towards the sound, peering around the rain gutter on the corner of the building.

The first thing Soobin could see were knees in the dirt between a pair of boots. He squinted into the darkness, heart jumping. His eyes picked up the motion of a head moving back and forth at waist height and big fingers grasping a handful of long pink hair. Somebody groaned, long and drawn out and desperate. The sound of it made Soobin’s cock kick in his jeans.

He walked back to his table slowly, breaking out into a thin sweat despite the night breeze.

“I was right,” Soobin told his friends, sitting back down. “Just a dog.”

“Please,” Kai said. Giving him big, watery eyes like a toddler. “We’re done for the day and we never get to see the fun stuff!”

Soobin pulled off his gloves slowly. His right wrist was a little tender from being twisted by a ram struggling against him, not wanting to go up a truck ramp earlier. Usually he and Kai were too exhausted from a full day at the stock pens to stick around and watch the shows at night, but today a big buyer from down south near Casper had snapped up almost all of his remaining sheep. Soobin was set for the rest of the season, and he was feeling particularly magnanimous.

“Okay,” Soobin agreed. Kai was just a kid, he deserved to see more than just grammar workbooks by day and feed troughs at night.

A small stream of people led the way onto the fair grounds. Most townsfolk were already sitting in the stands of the makeshift arena, where third division barrel racing medals had just been handed out. Taehyun and Beomgyu were passing a cigarette back and forth by the swing gate where contestants trotted by. Kai eyed it with interest, but knew better than to ask with Soobin around. 

“Had a good day with the traders?” asked Beomgyu.

“Very.” Soobin lifted his hat off to shake out his hair, sweaty from the day’s work.

“You’re just in time,” Taehyun said.

Kai asked, “For what?” as he let his long arms dangle over the fencing.

Taehyun looked meaningfully past them. Soobin glanced behind, then turned his whole body around, wide-eyed.

Sitting on a dainty silver buckskin was a young man. He wore a tight black turtleneck, and cornflower blue leather chaps with a dramatic cream fringe. His spurs were gaudy and jeweled; they glinted in the late afternoon sun. Beneath his black cowboy hat a familiar shade of candy-pink hair flowed down below his shoulders.

Soobin barely heard the announcer’s voice over the speaker system announcing him:

“ **Ladies and gents, tykes and toddlers– stick to your seats to watch our next performer stick to his! Please welcome the dazzling! The daring! Daniel Choi to the ring with some enthusiastic Starfall, Montana applause**!”

The rider clicked his horse through the open gate. As he passed, his eyes landed on Soobin for a brief moment. Then he was in the ring, hat raised high in one hand, cantering around the perimeter with a huge smile. His teeth were neat and white. He laughed and threw cheap plastic flowers from his saddle bags in between stunts.

Soobin stood up on the lowest rung of the fence to see better.

When he left the arena, there was a crumpled blue rose in his breast pocket.

Kai couldn’t stop talking about it.

“I’ve never seen anyone ride like that,” he said, eyes huge. He ignored the bottle of Mexican soda that Taehyun kept trying to push into his hands. “I thought he was gonna to get crushed like four times–“

“That’s why it’s called a Death Drag! Don’t get any ideas,” Beomgyu warned cheerfully. He started divvying up fry bread among their paper plates.

“He was so cool,” Kai gushed, nudging Soobin in the arm. “Right?”

Soobin stood, pointing at Beomgyu. “Whisky lemonade alright with you? I’m gonna go hit the well before it dries up.”

At the bar he jostled against the familiar as well as the out-of-towners. All of Starfall came alive with the annual fair, and the town swelled to more than twice its usual population as people from neighboring counties came for business and leisure. Out here with so much empty space between settlements, excuses to gather were not treated complacently.

Finally at the front, Soobin slapped down four drink tickets on the counter. But a hand that was not the bartender’s slid them back to him. 

“You can put his drinks on my tab,” Daniel Choi said loudly to no one in particular. Then he turned to Soobin and grinned. “Did you like my show? I think I saw you there.”

It all took him aback. This close, Soobin could see that he had streaks of light blue and neon yellow among the pink. “You were very good,” Soobin said after an awkward pause.

The smile faltered. He turned to the side, cleared his throat. “Thanks. I’m okay. Probably nothing too exciting for you ranch boys born in the saddle.”

“No,” Soobin said, falling in quicker this time. “I mean it. I couldn’t do any of that.”

“Oh. Well, thank you.” The smile returned, but it was smaller this time. A little bashful. The bravado of the stage wore off quickly. “Here, the name’s Yeonjun.”

Soobin shook his hand. It was smaller than his own, surprisingly delicate. “So ‘Daniel’ is–“

“Just showbiz.” He let the z sound drag out a touch too long. “People out here have a hard time saying the real thing, you know?” Yeonjun peered at him from beneath the rim of his hat. “You don’t got a name, or what?”

“It’s Soobin.”

“Soobin,” Yeonjun repeated. His lips were curiously shaped, peaking in the center of his upper lip like a mountain on the horizon. The corners of his mouth turned upward again. “I was taught to be wary of strange men but… Do you think you’d like to dance?”

They circled each other every night for the rest of the week.

There was a particular gravity around Yeonjun that Soobin couldn’t help feeling as a tangible force on his actions. Contact had been made, and now they drew closer and fell into each other’s orbits.

Soobin had two left feet that needed warming up, but Yeonjun could glide through any line dance, two-step, or cha cha that the band trotted out. Beomgyu and Taehyun teased him mercilessly about it by day, though they reined it in when Yeonjun was around. Kai beamed constantly, just happy that Yeonjun had autographed the inside of his best hat with a big flourish.

“Don’t sweat that off, now,” Yeonjun told him. 

“I won’t,” promised Kai. “That’s my church hat. It doesn’t get worn much.”

Two days before the end of the fair, Kai tumbled off the hay loft in the sheep barn and broke his left arm. Hours later, back home all slung up with his cast, he squeezed out two rare tears. Soobin recognized them not as pain, but disappointment.

“It’s not that it hurts,” Kai sniffled into the shirtsleeve of his other arm. “I’m just so sorry. I know you were… really counting on me this year.”

Soobin pushed a mug of hot chocolate at him, feeling more forlorn than he wanted to let on. “Everyone falls off the hay loft, it’s practically a rite of passage. We’re all shocked it took you this long, actually. You’re usually pretty clumsy.”

Kai glanced down at the mug. “You gave me extra marshmallows,” he noted.

“Yeah. You deserve them.”

“It’s because you’re going to leave me to go see Yeonjun now, isn’t it?” he asked slyly.

Soobin plucked his hat from its hook next to the door, murmuring about kids being too smart for their own good these days.

“Don’t have to be that smart to see what it is you want to do,” Kai replied around a mouthful of melted marshmallow.

In town, Yeonjun was already sitting at the bar in front of a still-full glass of beer, staring forward blankly at the whisky bottles. He jumped when Soobin put his hand on his shoulder.

“Oh. You’re here,” he breathed out.

Soobin tried not to show how much he enjoyed that. “Sorry. Kai had an accident.”

Yeonjun’s lovely eyes opened wide. “Is he okay? What happened?”

“Hay loft. Broken arm.” Soobin grimaced, sitting down on the stool next to him. “It’ll heal easy, but needs some time.”

“Oh, that’s too bad. Happens to everyone, though.”

“That’s what I told him,” he said, gesturing at the bartender.

Yeonjun squinted at him. “So, he’s not going to be able to help you this summer with a broken arm, is he?”

“Nope.”

“What are you going to do, then?”

Soobin had no answer yet. His sheep needed to be driven up on the mountains every year to graze the rich high-altitude pastures close to the peaks. But there were other animals up there too, wild goat and deer. Which meant there were also animals which liked to eat them, to whom a flock of fat docile sheep were undeniably attractive. And to other humans too, sometimes. The summer herding required at least two good dogs, two horsemen who knew what they were doing, and a pair of rifles. It was already going to be hard without Beomgyu and Taehyun, but without Kai as well the job would be impossible for him alone.

He drank his beer down slowly.

Yeonjun dug into the pocket of his leather duster, pulled out a pack of smokes. “You know,” he started, lighting up. “I’m not bad with a lasso. Or a gun.”

Soobin raised his brows at him. “Nobody said you were.”

“I mean,” Yeonjun continued, shaking out his match. “I’ve been thinking. Might be time for me to leave this whole circus, you know? Might be, I should try my talented hand at something else for a spell.”

Soobin blinked at him. “Are you saying–“

“Yeah. Well, I’m suggesting, anyway. It’s up to you, of course.”

He was looking down at the floor, that shyness having crept back in. Yeonjun could be like that sometimes, Soobin was learning. He flung the doors open-house wide, then closed them again bit by bit almost before you could tell what was happening.

Soobin put his hand on Yeonjun’s knee. “That’s a big offer,” he said slowly.

“I know,” Yeonjun laughed. “I’m not offering myself up for free. I assume you’re going to give me a wage, at least. Whatever you would’ve paid Kai is fine.”

“I don’t know what you earn doing this–“ Soobin gestured at the loud, busy press of rodeo goers around them, “–but I’m gonna bet it’s more than what I pay a kid who lives with me. You really okay with that?”

Yeonjun’s tongue poked out to rim the inside of his upper lip. “A summer up on the slopes with you? Yeah. I’m sure.”

Soobin took a moment to imagine it. Three months up in the mountains together. Warm by day, cold at night. Big endless sky with no one else around. “And your fancy filly can handle the terrain?” he asked, just to have something to say.

But the issue was already settled, had been as soon as Yeonjun opened his mouth with this ridiculous idea. Soobin could feel that they were both powerless to the draw of it.

“Miss Tango Molly can handle anything,” Yeonjun declared with great certainty. “And so can I. Though I might have to borrow a roping saddle from you. And rope. And, well, all the necessaries, actually.”

He laughed, and deposited his cigarette between Soobin’s parted lips. He wanted to dance, and he wanted Soobin to watch him until it was charred down to bits.

They headed out on the first day of June.

The sky was a bright, upturned bowl of blue above them. Yeonjun rode in front, leading the flock up the trail. The collies, Rex and Domino, kept the sheep moving together. Soobin brought up the rear on his sturdy overo paint, vigilant for both stragglers and unwanted followers.

He had four hundred head of sheep that needed to graze this summer so they could be sold or sheared for wool come next spring. It would take them the better part of a day to make it to the base camp.

Halfway there, Soobin urged his horse forward to the front of the herd. Yeonjun made a pretty picture on his dainty mare, wearing Soobin’s light workman jacket. It was large on him, but he somehow managed not to look bulky.

“How are you doing?” he asked him.

Yeonjun flashed a brilliant smile. Two little teeth showing. “It’s nice out here. Do we need to stop?”

“We can if you’re hungry. Take a short break.”

A shake of the head. “No, I’m not anything. Let’s push on.”

Yeonjun looked different out here. Even posting up and down on his horse, calves flexing as he rose in and out of the saddle, there was a stillness that Soobin hadn’t clocked on him in town. Soobin saw him as one watched an old movie, in frames that shifted quickly from one to the next but each was its own picture seared into his mind for just a second. Yeonjun pushing his hat down further against the afternoon sun. Yeonjun adjusting the rope hung on the side of his saddle. Yeonjun murmuring in loving tones to his horse, too low for Soobin to make out the words.

He wanted to remember those frames, pull them out later from the little tucked corners of his mind like old polaroids from a wallet.

Base camp was just beneath the shadow of a sharp ridge line, with the biggest of the summer pastures just to its northwest. A clean, cold creek fed from snowmelt at the peak flowed nearby, where they could wash clothes and dishes and themselves. For food, they’d have to make do a week at a time until the scheduled Saturday rendezvous at the bottom of the trail with Kai, who would bring fresh groceries and any other tools needed until the next week.

As a farewell present, Beomgyu and Taehyun had come up here yesterday to set up already. There was a coated canvas tent for each of them, and a fire pit already stacked with logs. A big sack filled with food supplies was hanging from a nearby tree branch, out of reach of wet earth and scavengers.

Yeonjun dismounted, head turning as he looked around. His long pink hair was a little tangled at the bottom, like a horse’s mane that needed brushing.

Soobin allowed himself to imagine that briefly. And thought– _no one else around for miles and miles to see_.

“It’s not much,” he said, dismounting.

“It’s just what I thought it would be,” Yeonjun replied. “And just what I wanted.” 

* * *

( _Summer_ )

“Seems like there’s no end to it, is there?” Yeonjun asked.

“Just goes on forever,” Soobin agreed.

Dusk had wrapped its blue and copper arms around the mountain range. From where they sat on their horses, looking down, the earth was roll upon roll of golden grasses and thick patches of wild pine as far as one could see. Soobin’s flock was spread out in huddled groups across this side of the peak, little dots of cotton on green. He understood that there were towns and people and even oceans beyond this view, but in his heart he could not believe Eden had borders. How was that possible? 

Yeonjun tilted his head so far back that his hat nearly fell off. “Just goes on forever,” he repeated softly, eyes full of sky.

Raising sheep was a gentler game than cows or pigs. He had no taste for blood. They didn’t require much, and it suited Soobin to be their herder, their shearer, and their caretaker.

“It’s all very simple,” he said, bringing his horse to a light canter. Yeonjun followed, his mare’s tail flashing silver in the sun. They skirted the edge of the flock. “These woolies can clear a pasture in just a few days. So we gotta keep them moving around some. Lots of grass up this side of the mountain, but all within range of camp.”

They pulled up where the open field bled into thick forest. Soobin pointed his chin toward the trees. “There’s wolves and bears and cougars out here. The dogs can handle coyotes, but bigger animals would be bad news for them, and for the sheep.”

Yeonjun shot him a look.

“But that’s what these are for,” Soobin continued, patting the carbine repeater holstered on the side of his saddle. “Other than that… just a lot of empty time out here. We can take turns circling the herd, or take it together the first few days if you’d like. Most nights one of us should be up here in the pup tent while the other’s down in camp.”

“That’s really all there is to it, huh?” Yeonjun adjusted his hat so the brim shaded his eyes from the sun. “Seems like we’re looking at a pretty boring summer, then.”

Soobin shed his jacket and rolled it up methodically. His boots came next, and he placed them against a large boulder. His shirt and pants he folded as he’d been taught as a child, and these things went on top of the boulder.

The creek was even colder than he remembered. Late May was warm down in Starfall, but up here the water was all snowmelt. The bar of soap Beomgyu and Taehyun left them was hard in his hands, and resisted lathering in the bitter chill. He had to stand there, in knee deep water, and work at it against both palms before it foamed up. He ran the sponge against his skin, arms and legs and groin, with shivering economy.

When he was done, his clothes were not on the boulder.

Feet shoved into his boots, with nothing but a small towel around his waist, Soobin stomped back to camp.

Yeonjun was sitting on the log, peeling apples for the horses with his hat pulled low and a blanket over his lap. A can of beans and some thick bacon slabs were warming over the fire next to him.

“Where are my clothes?” Soobin huffed.

“Your clothes? I don’t know.” But Yeonjun wouldn’t look at him. His shoulders shook up and down.

Soobin popped up the rim of Yeonjun’s hat so it flipped off and fell to the ground.

Yeonjun was laughing out loud now. He held out the knife and apple in his hands. “What? Do you see me holding any clothes?”

Soobin couldn’t remember the last time he’d gotten this annoyed out here. Probably when Beomgyu dropped the entire bag of their weekly groceries into the river last summer. He stalked around camp, clutching the towel tightly around himself as he rifled through their tents and bent over to search rucksacks of provisions. He glanced up several times to see that Yeonjun was watching him with a sly gaze, eyes narrowed at the ends.

“Yeonjun!” Soobin almost-shouted when he had turned the place upside down. “Tell me where.”

Still smirking, Yeonjun set aside his knife. He stood up so the blanket fell off his lap; his jeans looked oddly baggy on him. Surprisingly dainty fingers pulled his jacket zipper all the way down, slowly, and then moved the thick cotton ducking aside to reveal that he was wearing Soobin’s shirt underneath.

Soobin stared, heart jumping against the walls of his chest. “Yeonjun. Give me back my clothes.”

“Come get them yourself, cowboy.”

He lunged.

But Yeonjun was laughing quicksilver in human form. He stayed just out of reach, even wearing Soobin’s pants, so big that he had to hold them up with fists balled over the loose denim around his thighs. Soobin had a lot of experience catching jumpy lambs, but Yeonjun had spent years defying death on horseback with both speed and agility. They were well-matched.

Then, as Yeonjun ran around the other side of his tent, Soobin tackled him through it. They collapsed in a heap of tent canvas, blankets, and the towel Soobin had dropped so he could grab Yeonjun with both hands. He dug in, trying to hold onto him like he was sand through the fingers.

Yeonjun squirmed and giggled. “You caught me! I guess you should get a prize now.”

“Yeonjun,” Soobin said. He felt lightheaded with desire, and intensely aware of his own nakedness.

They both were. From where Yeonjun lay, his eyes flicked down from Soobin’s face to his groin, and back up again. His tongue poked out between his lips.

“I think you should–“

The fire cracked loudly; they whipped their heads to it. As it let out a big pop, Soobin saw that the bacon was near charred, and its juices ran down into the flames in thick drips. It was their last bit of meat before the Saturday food pick-up. The beans had heated up so much that their bubbling turned the can onto its side, spilling onto the dirt.

“Fuck,” Yeonjun breathed.

Soobin let him up, and Yeonjun scrambled to the food.

“We’ll need to do another can of beans, but I think the bacon is still edible,” he said, grimacing. Then he glanced at Soobin, who was still sitting on the collapsed tent, shivering as he pulled a blanket over his shoulders.

Laughing softly, Yeonjun returned his shirt and jeans to him.

As Soobin pulled his clothes back on, he received a ghostly hug of body warmth still clinging to the fabric.

Early on the ninth morning, Yeonjun woke up to find a five inch gash through the left panel of his tent.

“Freak hail storm last night,” Soobin said, picking up a sharp chunk of ice on the ground. Sometimes that happened up here. It was a marvel his own tent was unscathed.

Yeonjun pulled his ( _Soobin’s_ ) coat tighter around himself. “Can Kai bring us another one?”

“Yeah, we can tell him this Saturday, and he can bring a new one up the week after.” Soobin paused. “Until then, we can bunk up together. Or maybe I’ll sleep out here–”

“No,” Yeonjun interrupted. “No, you won’t.”

That night, Soobin waited by the fire until Yeonjun came back from washing their pots and plates in the creek. Usually they tidied up camp after dinner, and whoever finished first would say goodnight before crawling into their own tent. This time, Soobin sat on the log until his cigarette had burned all the way down and the pit slowly died to embers. Not wanting to appear as though he had nothing to do but sit by the fire empty-handed, he immediately lit up another.

Yeonjun took longer than usual. When he walked back into camp, the ends of his hair looked wet. As he put away the clean dishes, Soobin watched silently. He was full of wanting for things which as yet had no name.

No matter.

When he was done, Yeonjun stood up and took off his hat. He had definitely gone into the water. Soobin could see damp patches on the front of his shirt where droplets might’ve lingered before he pulled the fabric back over his body. There was a pause, during which a hundred different things could’ve happened. Perhaps Yeonjun would suggest that it would be best for Soobin to sleep out here by the fire, after all. Perhaps he would take the pup tent up to the pasture, bed down next to the herd under pretext of staying vigilant against nocturnal predators. Or maybe he would saddle up his mare and ride back down the mountain, right out of Soobin’s life again. 

Instead Yeonjun crossed the space between them with sure steps. He planted one long leg on either side of Soobin’s knees, not touching. The curve of his cheekbone caught the last rays of sun like a halo worn too low. He was an angel that nobody had bothered to train, or love.

Yeonjun took the cigarette from between Soobin’s lips and tossed it behind his shoulder without looking.

Soobin had no words for the moment. He let his hands do the talking.

One came up to brace the small of Yeonjun’s back, and the other lifted the front of his shirt, pinning the fabric to his sternum with a big hand. Soobin leaned forward and placed a kiss on his stomach, the first probe into new frontiers, and then– _bit_.

Yeonjun made a needy noise high in his throat. His whole body jerked forwards.

They stumbled into the tent like teenagers drunk off their first scotch, tripping over each other’s boots. Yeonjun put his hands on Soobin’s shoulders, pushed him down onto the bedroll. He shoved his jeans and underwear off and descended on him before Soobin could get a look at anything that wasn’t miles and miles of pale, trembling leg.

Yeonjun’s teeth on his neck were sharp, cold. His tongue, almost painfully hot in contrast. Fingers danced down the front of Soobin’s shirt, freeing each button faster than he had ever managed to undress himself. Yeonjun yanked on his belt with practiced hands.

“I,” Soobin said.

Yeonjun held himself aloft, straddled above Soobin’s waist like he was posting up in his stirrups while galloping. “Don’t worry.” A little smile, like a secret. “I’m a good rider.”

When Soobin woke, Yeonjun had rolled over onto his stomach, half his face pressed into the bedroll. The undone reality of him was shocking in its tenderness. He had fallen asleep with a hand curled up next to his cheek, the way a baby does. By the early morning light his skin was creamy and serene, though his fingertips had roughened by small degrees from these days out in the wilderness. He breathed deeply, mouth parted.

Soobin snaked an arm around him, slipping his hand beneath blanket and undershirt.

Yeonjun whined. The muscles of his tight stomach twitched beneath Soobin’s questing fingers. His whole body jerked to waking as he was cupped and squeezed.

Soobin pressed his own eyes shut, shuddering. 

“Your hand is an icicle,” Yeonjun complained in a rough voice, his hips shaking.

He was loud as Soobin pulled on him, their bodies pressed tight together, steaming the tent with their hot open-mouthed exhales. It only took a minute for Yeonjun to come, and he keened high as though it hurt him.

“Shhh,” Soobin crooned, half laughing. He stroked Yeonjun’s tangled hair. “You’ll bring wolves into camp, thinking they’ve found a sick deer.”

“Let them come,” Yeonjun groaned, turning over.

Soft and spent, his lips parted easily for Soobin’s tongue. Soobin moved over him, so hard it felt like pain. Yeonjun kissed as though he had no knowledge of satisfaction, as if he needed each next press of their mouths together or he would shatter into pieces. Soobin obliged until he couldn’t stand it any more.

“Yeonjun,” Soobin murmured, pulling back. He lifted the hem of Yeonjun’s shirt. “Open your mouth.”

He did, letting Soobin stuff a section of it between his teeth.

Buttons and zipper open, Soobin jerked himself with one hand as the other roamed and groped what he liked. Years of horse stunting had given Yeonjun an enviable core, though it lacked distinctive ridges. There was a svelte grace to him, a geometry of softened angles and planes that Soobin could map with his palm. The sweet curve of his waist was painfully erotic. So, too, was his reaction to having his nipples played with. Yeonjun writhed and panted wordlessly beneath him until Soobin had to grab himself with both hands, shooting off onto Yeonjun’s chest with a choked gasp.

Yeonjun pulled his shirt the rest of the way off and used it to wipe them both. Then he was shivering in the morning air, and Soobin was powerless against his own need to hold him, press him into the blankets. Kiss the trembling away.

“Soobin,” Yeonjun moaned. “The horses–“

“They won’t starve,” Soobin said, sucking his way down Yeonjun’s neck.

It was another hour before they could untangle themselves enough to dress and go about the day.

A seal had been ripped off. What once had been a four person job could now be a two dog job, they discovered.

It was a charmed summer; they had seen no sign of wolves or bears. Rex and Domino guarded the flock by day and patrolled all night; apart from needing to be fed once in the morning and once in the evening, they and the sheep required little oversight.

Yeonjun wanted to be kissing him all the time. He was starved for it. If Soobin touched him at all, whether it was putting a steadying hand on his waist as they walked over river rocks or tapping gently on his shoulder to warn him of a wild animal nearby, Yeonjun looked back at him as though pleading for more than a casual glimpse of affection. And then Soobin would rush to give in.

At night the only light that wasn’t their fire came from above; Soobin taught him how to read the map of the sky. Or, tried.

“That’s Ursa Major,” Soobin said, pointing. “The Great Bear, the Romans called it.”

“Which one?”

“Here.” They lay side by side in the cool grass, spending the night next to the flock for a change. He moved their heads close, took Yeonjun’s hand and raised it up to point. “Close one eye– there, that one. It points to the North Star. That really bright dot.”

Yeonjun knocked their temples together, curled his fingers between Soobin’s. He was less interested in the stars than he was with what could be happening here on earth, he whispered into Soobin’s ear.

Soobin laughed, rolling over onto him and tonguing a rim around the dainty shell of Yeonjun’s ear.

“Back in Starfall,” he admitted in a whisper. “I saw you with somebody one night. Behind the gunsmith’s.”

Yeonjun shuddered. “What?” His arms were around Soobin’s neck, fingers trying uselessly to wind themselves around the too-short hairs at the back of his head.

“Yeah.” Soobin put his forehead against Yeonjun’s hair, already panting lightly. “I could barely see anything. Just your hair, but I wanted you. And then I saw you the next day– your show.”

Yeonjun made a soft whimpering noise. He pushed their faces together.

“And then you talked to me afterward, at the bar,” Soobin continued, licking the corner of his mouth. “I was so happy.”

Yeonjun sighed, and his whole body went soft, parting for him.

Soobin leaned his axe against the stump when he saw Yeonjun walking up. Biting the fingertip of his glove, he peeled it off his hand and then the other.

Yeonjun whistled to see the pile of neatly halved firewood. “Looks like you did pretty good.”

“It’s a meditative and useful activity.” Soobin patted down his pockets for a smoke.

“Here.” Yeonjun passed over his own cigarette. “When you go down… Could you tell Kai to bring us more cooking oil for next week?” he asked. His cheeks looked a little pinker than usual.

 _Pretty_ , thought Soobin. “We’re out already? I thought they left us a 32 ounce container.”

“They did,” Yeonjun said, looking down and kicking at a stone with the toe of his boot. “But yeah. We’re out already.” There was a little smile visible beneath the rim of his hat as he turned away and walked back to camp.

That afternoon Soobin saddled up and rode halfway down the mountain. In the foothills there was an old bridge that spanned what once was a sizable river, now mostly diverted for watering farmlands to the east. Kai was there, leaning against one of the bridge beams and flipping through a comic book, brown curls falling into his eyes.

“Shouldn’t you give that mane a trim?” Soobin called out in greeting.

Kai looked up, laughed, and stuffed the book into his saddlebag. He looked like he had grown taller again, already. Soobin could see why he was driving the girls in town wild. He dismounted to give him a hug, but Kai went straight to his horse instead.

“Hey, Rooster, how are you?” he murmured, giving its neck a few firm smacks. Then he frowned. “Why does Rooster look fat?”

Soobin bent over to open the grocery sack and check its contents. “That’s Yeonjun’s fault. He loves to sneak them extra.”

Kai raised his brows. “Wasn’t Yeonjun also the one who needed half your wardrobe up there because he ain’t got his own clothes? And more blankets? And a new tent?”

“Yup.” Soobin smiled, turning to the side so Kai wouldn’t see. He hoisted the sack up and threw it across Rooster’s haunches.

“Sounds like you got a troublemaker in camp.” There was a smirk in Kai’s voice.

“You have no idea.”

Kai helped him secure the provisions to the saddle. His arm was out of its cast now, but he still moved it more delicately than usual.

“Everything okay down at home?” Soobin asked.

“Yeah. Everything’s good.” Kai smiled at him. He had always been an easy-going kid. More responsible than he seemed at first. Soobin was lucky. “Was that slab of pork I brought last time okay?”

“It was good. You can just repeat the same things for next time. Oh, but… if you could get a jar or two of coconut oil, it’d be appreciated.”

Kai tilted his head, like one of the collies when confused. “Coconut oil?”

“Pretty windy this summer. Gets dry up there, and you know how these fancy rodeo boys are. Always gotta baby their skin to look good for the crowd.”

“This Yeonjun’s got a lot of demands, huh.” But Kai nodded. He mounted his pony. “So Taehyun, Beomgyu, and I will be coming up to you next weekend, right?”

Soobin adjusted his hat. “We’re looking forward to it,” he said honestly. Then he put his foot in the stirrup, swung up into the saddle. They said their goodbyes, and rode back from where they came.

* * *

( _Autumn_ )

“I’ve done a fair bit of traveling here and there on the circuit,” Yeonjun said. “But I’ve never been to Spokane.”

“The postcards make it look nice,” said Kai, tossing another log into the fire. 

Taehyun smiled over his beer. “We’ll find out soon, I guess. But it does look beautiful in the pictures.”

It was a warmer night than usual, and camp was lively. It had never been this full; with five tents up and five bodies around the fire, the place felt ready to burst with cheerfully chaotic energy. The boys had ridden up in the late afternoon, shortly before Soobin came down from checking on the herd for the day. Yeonjun fed all the horses at the same time while Beomgyu and Kai set up bags and accommodations. Taehyun, as guest of honor, had the enviably light task of stirring bacon, potato, and egg hash in the pan.

“Are you excited?” asked Soobin. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer, because it would hurt either way. If they were eager to leave, Soobin would feel bitter about their many years of friendship. But if they weren’t, he would feel remorseful about the plans already laid in motion. This move was happening for them. It should be a good thing.

“I’m excited,” confirmed Taehyun. His huge eyes were shiny, honest. “It’ll be the farthest place I’ve ever been.”

“That’s good.” Soobin felt real relief. Then, sadness.

A light, comforting hand touched his back, out of sight of the others. Soobin was leaned against the log, with Yeonjun sitting next to him. Earlier, they’d caught themselves before casually touching several times already. There hadn’t been guests all summer to think about.

“You’ll love it,” Yeonjun told Taehyun confidently. He had his sleeves rolled up and cuffed just under his elbow so it showed the veins of his forearms. His hair was so long now that he kept it in a little braid, secured by a thin scrap of leather hacked off from somewhere, Soobin didn’t know. “Spokane is close to Seattle. You’ll get to see so many things. People you can’t even imagine. And of course, there’s Vegas, too.”

Beomgyu reached behind him to pull his guitar case within easy reach. “Have you been? I would love to go to Vegas. We’ll have to make a trip sometime, maybe during one of Taehyun’s school breaks,” he said, opening the latches.

“Vegas is some of the most fun I’ve ever had. But there’s also California. The ocean. Everyone should see it at least once in their lives.”

Kai was looking from Taehyun to Beomgyu to Yeonjun with open envy. It occurred to Soobin that he’d lived his whole life without feeling that way, and it worried him to see Kai’s expression. He had never seen the ocean before, and he didn’t want to. There was nothing there that his horse or his sheep could eat.

“Is that where you’re going next?” asked Kai. “To the West Coast?”

“California,” Beomgyu sighed dreamily. He hoisted his guitar into place, strummed a few chords. “Grape vines in the sun.”

Yeonjun glanced at Soobin, then looked away quick. “Eventually. But first the circuit makes its way through the South. There’s a route from Lubbock to San Diego, lots of places do their rodeo in the fall season.”

Taehyun was looking very closely at both of them, his huge eyes probing. Soobin avoided looking back. 

Seven childhood campfire songs later, they drew sticks for who would water the horses. Yeonjun lost and everyone else crawled sleepily into their tents as he whistled his way cheerfully down to the creek, two empty pails in hand.

Soobin was just drifting off when he felt rather than heard his tent flap opening. He turned over. Yeonjun slipped in, dark and lean and smiling. He smelled like fresh pine.

“What are–“

“Shhh.” Yeonjun pressed a finger to his lips. “We have to be quiet, or everyone will hear, hm?”

“Between us, you’re the louder one,” Soobin hissed back.

“Maybe.” He smirked. “But I’ll be careful.”

Yeonjun scooted forward on his knees until he was straddling Soobin’s thighs. He reached up to undo the buttons of his shirt. The plaid fell off his shoulders; underneath, he wore one of Soobin’s undershirts, yet another thing Yeonjun borrowed because he moved around in life with almost nothing to his name. Soobin grabbed at his wrists, pulled him down close. Yeonjun moved against him, and they wrestled against each other with hurried, clutching hands.

The next morning, the others sent enough eyebrow wags in his direction for Soobin to know that they hadn’t been quiet enough.

At the close of the weekend, Soobin said his goodbyes to his oldest friends.

“Travel safe,” he told Beomgyu. “Take care of each other.”

“You take care of yourself, too,” Beomgyu said, grasping his arm. There were a wet sheen in his eyes.

“I’m happy for you,” Taehyun whispered into his ear as they hugged. “Don’t let him go.”

“Do you need me to bring more coconut oil next Saturday?” Kai deadpanned before they mounted up. Soobin smacked his pony’s haunches, sending him off at a gallop.

Yeonjun was extra attentive in the days after they left, in small quiet ways that another person might not have noticed. But for Soobin, who had almost no one else in his life anymore, each gesture was like a tree in the desert. He clung on.

“Soobin,” Yeonjun sighed sleepily. They were curled up in the grass under one blanket, watching the sun rise and spread its warm rays over Soobin’s flock. Their arms curled around each others waists. The dogs dozed next to them, allowing themselves some rest while their humans were here to watch the sheep.

They hadn’t slept much.

“Tell me about the ocean,” Soobin said. To him, it might as well have been fiction. He was asking for a bedtime story.

“It’s beautiful.” Yeonjun nosed into his collarbones, breathing deeply. “And there’s so much of it. You can’t even imagine so much of something until you’re standing right there, looking at it.”

“The photos scare me,” he admitted.

“It’s not like that in person.” Yeonjun paused. “It’s scarier, actually.”

“Why do people like to go there?” wondered Soobin.

“Like to be overwhelmed, I guess,” Yeonjun said over a huge yawn. “Swallowed up by the view in their eyes. I can’t wait to see it again. It’s a feeling, like…”

Soobin waited. But there was no end to that sentence. He unwound himself just enough to look down at his face. “Where did you come from?” he asked him.

Yeonjun’s eyes shuttered slowly. “Nowhere special.”

“I wonder about you,” Soobin found himself saying. “Who were your parents? How did you get here? Where is it that you wanna go?”

But Yeonjun had already drifted off in his arms.

One night late in the season Soobin rode back into camp at dusk with a lamb across the front of his saddle.

“Noticed she was walking a little lame,” he said as he dismounted. “Should have a look at her.”

Yeonjun mixed and heated up powdered milk over the fire while Soobin sat nearby with the lamb in his lap, inspecting her feet with a careful frown.

“Not an abscess, is it?”

“No. Just a little case of shelly hoof, I think.” Soobin cooed at her in a low voice. “You’re gonna be alright. Just have a rest with us down here in camp for a few days before you rejoin your momma.” 

They took turns feeding her from the bottle and then she curled up between them, long lashes fanning eyes that closed immediately in sleep.

“Babies,” said Yeonjun, marveling.

“Yeah.” Soobin watched him stroke her injured leg as if the sight of it was going to tell him everything he needed to know about life.

The whiskey came out after supper. They passed it back and forth as the sky settled into a dark blue around them. The days were colder now, and the nights near freezing.

“For you, the world stops right at that ridge line.” Yeonjun pointed up to the ragged, snowcapped peaks with the lit end of his cigarette. “But for me, I’m hungry for all of it. Beyond, you know?”

“Yeah, you’re hungry alright. I barely even got a glimpse of those potatoes.”

Yeonjun’s sudden laugh bounced shockingly against the wood and stone around them. “I’m serious! Don’t you want to know what things look like out there? Other people and other places.”

Soobin stared at him. Yeonjun had a few beads of wet in his hair from splashing his face after dinner. The pink had finally washed out a few days ago, and now his hair was black, black, black. He looked like a wild thing, hewn from old songs and half-remembered dreams that slipped through the fingers of consciousness upon waking.

“No,” Soobin said. “I like the way things look right here.”

Inside the tent it was hardly warmer, but Yeonjun stripped down to bare skin anyway, a little slow and a little shy. But he touched Soobin with a desperation that was almost painful to watch. His hands and limbs were everywhere at once.

“Come here,” Soobin said lowly. “Just– settle.”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m one of your sheep.” Yeonjun’s fingers grasped at his shoulders. His eyes looked wet by the sliver of moonlight coming in through the mouth of the tent.

Soobin smiled. He put his hand on the softness of Yeonjun’s flat stomach, pressing down against the icy skin. “I wish you were as easy to handle as my sheep.”

“When you touch me…” Yeonjun closed his eyes. He pressed his lips together and his cheeks trembled. It was a few seconds before he could say what he wanted. His fingers circled Soobin’s wrist, holding him in place. “It feels like fire. Like you want things from me that I won’t give to anybody else–”

“I do want those things.”

Yeonjun shook his head. “But I don’t know how to give them to you.”

“You do.” Soobin laid down, pressing his face into Yeonjun’s chest, kissing between words. “It’ll be easy. Like a summer that never ends. You and me, in paradise.”

A sigh like wind in the pines. “I didn’t think you were a dreamer, Soobin.”

“I wasn’t. I’m not. What I’m talking about is reality.”

“I don’t know how to give you what you want, without tearing out a piece of myself that I need,” Yeonjun said, staring down his torso at him.

Soobin sat up a bit. There were words in his head but he didn’t know if they were the right ones. There was no telling if the right words existed. One of his hands found its way to Yeonjun’s hip, and the pad of his index finger ran over the ridge of bone there. His skin was warm and soft, like the lamb’s ear. This body did incredible things, Soobin thought. It jumped on and around a galloping horse, leaping lightly away from being trampled even when escape seemed impossible. It refused to be crushed in the sand and the dirt and the manure of the arena.

It walked around this earth, enthralling and unconquerable. And it was here with him right now, but sometime in the future it was also already laying next to some other person, in some other place. The thought made Soobin tremble. He looked up at Yeonjun’s face, in marvel and despair. 

Now he was the desperate one, and let his touch say so.

When Soobin took him into his mouth, Yeonjun whimpered and kicked out. Long slim legs, like a foal. Soobin held them down, mumbled around spit and cock, “I want you to feel like I do–”

Yeonjun clutched at his hair, hard, and thrust up. Soobin let him.

By the end of August, his sheep were fat and the mountain fields had been bitten down to just an inch of grass. Soobin measured it in three different pastures, and everywhere there was less than a knuckles-depth.

“Is it time, then?” asked Yeonjun, looking at Soobin’s hand in the grass. He had his forehead pressed to Tango’s neck. When Soobin stepped closer to hold him, he moved away, cheeks wobbling. 

They took down both tents, the one they spent their nights in as well as the unused one. It took most of a day to pack everything, mostly in silence, and by that night they were both so exhausted they could do nothing but slump against each other in their sleep, laid out on the bedrolls under the open sky.

In the morning, Soobin woke first. He usually did, and liked to use this advantage to just lay close, breathe in the smell of him. Yeonjun’s body, soft and sleep-warmed, always curled towards Soobin. In rest the contours of his face invited dreaming.

This morning Soobin extracted himself gently. He brushed Rooster and Tango, then went to get them their water. As he knelt by the creek bed, the sound of crunching leaves from behind raised his head. Sometimes cougars liked to ambush wild goats at dawn, still drowsy from a night’s sleep as they bent their heads to drink.

But it was just Yeonjun. He hadn’t put on jeans, despite the morning chill. On him, Soobin’s shirt was nearly down to his pink knees.

“You left me,” he said.

Soobin turned back to his pail, pushing its bottom edge below the water. “You’re the one who’s gonna leave.”

“Soobin.” Yeonjun’s voice was quiet, warning. He had never sounded like that before.

“The story of my life is just people leaving me,” Soobin continued, pulling the pail out and standing it up next to the other one. “If you were going to go anyway, we should never have done all this.”

Yeonjun’s booted foot swung into his view, kicked the bucket over into the creek with a loud, tinny sound. It floated down the water away from them. His face was tight-lipped and furious.

Soobin glared at him. “Not enough to hurt me, you have to abuse my things too? And lose them?” He got up, stomping into the water after it.

Yeonjun followed, shivering as drops of water splashed onto his bare legs. “What do you mean, we should never have done all this?” he asked acidly. “You make it sound like… like it’s all my fault. It’s not!”

“It is.” Soobin stooped to snatch up the pail.

Yeonjun pushed him abruptly, and he nearly fell into the wet. The pail clattered onto the pebbly edge of the creek. Soobin righted himself. He sent Yeonjun an incredulous look.

“What is _wrong_ with you?” he asked, shoving into his chest.

Yeonjun stumbled a step backward. Then, he got an odd look on his face. His elbow cocked back, and his fist smashed into Soobin’s left cheek. This time he did go down, mostly onto the dry bank, but one of his pant legs was instantly soaked in water. Yeonjun clambered over him, fists grabbing at Soobin’s jacket collar. He was shaking him, hard, until his brains rattled. 

“Everything I know, everyone I’ve ever met, is just a blur before you,” Yeonjun said, a corner of his lip pulled up in a snarl.

“Shut. _Up_ ,” Soobin hissed through gritted teeth. He smacked Yeonjun across the face with an open palm. Blood gushed from Yeonjun’s nose; it was a bright smear on his upper lip and his chin. Deep red droplets landed on his ( _Soobin’s_ ) shirt.

They froze; the sudden blood sobered them. Yeonjun’s breath stuttered in the still air.

“I’m sorry,” Soobin said quietly. He reached up to dab at Yeonjun’s face with a corner of his sleeve.

But Yeonjun pushed his hand down. His fingers circled Soobin’s wrists and he sniffled.

Soobin sat up, brought their heads close. “Yeonjun. I’m sorry.”

Yeonjun kissed him, and he tasted like blood. Soobin opened his mouth, and Yeonjun was there, pressing in. He was unhurried but forceful. Their bodies drew together with familiarity and shuddering relief. This they knew. This they could say to each other. Yeonjun’s body was an easy riddle to him now, and Soobin ran over the landscape of it with firm hands and a choreography of haste.

Here, pulling at the curve of waist and at the upper thigh, to draw him even closer until their chests pressed together.

And here, pinching a nipple beneath the layer of fabric, to earn a whine and a shudder.

Then there was his braid, which Soobin grabbed and yanked close to the root until Yeonjun pulled his mouth off, lips red with blood and shiny with spit.

“Right here,” Yeonjun rasped, eyes wide. He ground down on Soobin’s lap, once, twice– hard. “ _Now_.”

Soobin groaned. He flipped them, pressing Yeonjun into the ground. Yeonjun squirmed beneath him until he was on his stomach, pulling up his shirt with an impatient hand. He wasn’t wearing underwear. “In your back pocket,” he hissed.

Soobin patted the back of his jeans and pulled out a small medicine vial. Uncorked, he caught the faint scent of coconut.

“Do it, just do it,” Yeonjun gasped. Ass up, knees and face in the dirt.

Soobin opened him slowly, until Yeonjun _tsk_ ed and moved back against him, fucking himself on those two fingers. Before long he asked for more. Yeonjun swallowed three and then four fingers with open-mouthed breathlessness, one hand squeezing his own cock and balls.

Why hadn’t they done this before? Soobin found himself wondering as he bottomed out. Yeonjun was clawing at the ground, practically howling, already rocking back and forth on him in small shivery motions. It was the natural state of man, to be under the open sky. To be witnessed by rock and tree. Soobin fucked him as an animal does, without moralizing or artifice. 

He surprised himself coming first, gasping and biting at Yeonjun’s shoulder blades as he shoved deep and held there, searing hot. Yeonjun cried out, stroking at himself furiously until he came in short spurts on the ground below.

They trembled together.

Soobin sat up slowly, and pulled Yeonjun onto his lap. Yeonjun had dried blood and specks of dirt and tear tracks on his face.

“You’re a mess,” he croaked.

“Soobin,” Yeonjun said, looking at him. “I’ll want you forever, but I won’t be less of myself for you.” The morning sun came up over the mountains and flared behind his head, illuminating the world with tender light. It was persuasion, both cosmic and divine.

“Okay.” Soobin nodded. He felt powerless, but empty with understanding. “Okay.”

They washed up in the creek, and Soobin dressed him in his own jacket. Then, holding a bucket of water each, they walked back to camp hand in hand, extinguished the fire for the last time, and mounted up.

By the time the sun set that evening, they were back in Starfall.

* * *

( _Winter_ )

A few days later when Soobin felt ready to unpack his bag, he was surprised to see the first item lying on top of the rest of his clothes. It was one of his own shirts.

In pattern and material it was nothing special, but it was the shirt that Yeonjun liked to wear most. Soobin hadn’t put it there; he’d thought Yeonjun had taken it, and didn’t say a word when they packed everything in camp.

Tucked beneath the collar was something blue. Soobin pulled on it with surprise.

It was the wrinkled plastic rose he’d kept from Yeonjun’s first performance. Soobin had forgotten about it. He stood there in his bedroom, fingering the dirt stain on one of its petals. Imagined Yeonjun finding it in the breast pocket of his shirt and keeping it with him all summer.

* * *

( _Coda: Spring, again_ )

“We did real good this year,” said Kai, thumbing through the stack of bills in his hand and counting by tens.

Soobin wiped the sweat at the back of his neck with a handkerchief. It had been a long few weeks of shearing, but today he sold off fine Grade A wool for more money than he’d ever received in one trade before. His sheep had never been rated above Grade B until now.

 _Something in the air last summer when these woolies were getting fat and happy on the slopes,_ Kai had murmured earlier.

“How much?” he asked.

“Almost $700,” Kai whispered, eyes wide.

“Are you sure? Your math test score last week wasn’t so hot,” Soobin teased.

Kai smacked his arm with a glove. He was first in his math class, and they both knew it.

“Don’t hit me, I’m your _boss_. And I can decide whether to let you go on vacation or not.”

“What?”

Soobin took the stack of money from his open hands. He split it roughly in half, and put a couple hundred squarely back into Kai’s palm. “That should be plenty to get you to Spokane, I reckon. Plus a few decent seafood dinners in San Francisco. Though, you’ll have to keep Beomgyu from spending it on more notebooks and pens for Taehyun…”

Kai was staring at him, slack-jawed. “San Francisco?” he parroted blankly.

“We’ve been talking,” said Soobin with a smile. “It’s time for you to get out of here and see some things. They’ve been saving up, and want to rent a car this summer. Drive over to the coast. See that ocean people are always going on about.”

“The Pacific Ocean,” Kai said dreamily. He looked like he needed to sit down.

Soobin laughed at him. “Go get some food in you with that money. I’ll finish up here.”

Kai stumbled off with a goofy grin on his face. “The ocean,” he kept whispering to himself. Then he doubled back with an anxious face. “Are you coming with us?”

“No,” Soobin said with a small smile. “Who would take care of the sheep? Someone has to take them up.”

“You don’t have to do that alone.”

Soobin pushed him gently off towards the fair grounds and the food stalls. “We’ll see. Now go eat.”

He stayed behind to double-check the bills of sale and tally any remaining sheets of wool. These he packed, tied up, and threw into the back of his truck. Then he thought to go find Kai, who would be sitting at an outdoor table now with several deep fried corn dogs and fries. But there was something he’d been thinking about all day. All year, really.

Soobin's feet walked him further into the fair, towards the rodeo arena. 

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't expect almost anything that happened with this fic, but i'm glad i wrote it and there's a lot here that speaks to me, much more than i thought it would. i'd been writing it for weeks, going slow with the emotions of it, and who knew it was going to take election catharsis to finally push me over to finishing this <3 
> 
>   
> (edit):  
> PSA because i've been asked already– coconut oil is a great lube for almost any purpose, but don't use it with latex condoms or plastic toys!! 
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/croptopyeonbin)


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